Because the premise sounds absolutely fucking preposterous, allow me to open this up by saying this is totally, 100%, unequivocally the real deal. Starting August 10th, and running until August 31st (2026 if you need the year), you can sign up to win a “Buttler,” which is pretty much exactly what you’d imagine. A personal butler to sit there and wipe your ass.

In the video advertising your potential prize the Buttler stands beside the pseudo winner and doles out positive encouragement. That’s great news if you have trouble going number two I guess.

Anyway, to spout off the marketing bits, this is a promotion through a partnership between Liquid Death — yes, the water — and goodwipes. You can also purchase the exclusive Liquid Death x goodwipes sCream Soda butt wipes through Walmart if you’re into that kind of thing. Those are limited-edition and yeah, you read that right, they’re cream soda scented. Really, it’s a custom blend of vanilla, sandalwood, and musk, no not Elon Musk, the smell.

These limited-edition goodwipes actually aren’t priced bad either; it’s $10 for a 3-pack or 150 total extra-large wipes. In case you’re wondering, because I sure was, they are flushable since they’re made with plant-based fibers. They’re also safe for sensitive skin and break down when flushed.

If you want to know more, check out the video. Or just head to the sweepstakes page to enter.