As a parent, you hear often that you shouldn’t be allowing your children too much screen time. That includes time on tablets, phones, TVs, game consoles, and beyond. Ever since my two children were born, it’s something I had drilled into me by every doctor and physician imaginable. It’s easy to brush the command off, especially since screens definitely help keep children occupied.

Now, in our household, we do have screen limits, and I don’t use technology as a crutch to supervise or watch my children. In other words, I don’t sit them down in front of a screen to keep them busy. I do have full control over their devices and they all lock at a certain time, with full supervision for all apps and games they use. I have to approve something before it’s installed. Sure, these are best practices, but none of it reveals how much screen time is too much for children.

Medical professionals have been arguing about the optimal times for a while now. One to two hours per day is the consensus, though. Great! Now that’s established, how the hell do you know your children are experiencing digital overuse? They probably don’t have the words or knowledge to speak up about it. What are some signs you can look for? More importantly, how do you know you’ve let things get out of hand?

Thanks to a study from technology retailer Becextech.com.au and Child Psychologist, Dr. Grace Hancock, we have a much better idea.

Dr. Hancock on digital use and general screen time

According to Dr. Grace Hancock, one to two hours is the limit depending on age.

“Children under four years old should not exceed more than one hour of screen time per day and those over four, no more than 1-2 hours. While children under two should not be exposed to mobile devices or TVs at all. Exceeding more than this recommended screen time usage can have a detrimental impact on children’s cognitive development, particularly in speech and language.”

Dr. Hancock also makes it clear that, in the families she works with, higher screen time is associated with “decreased tolerance for boredom,” which can manifest in what she calls “secondary behavior challenges.” Children respond in protest when denied screen time, with tantrums, anger, and frustration.

“Parents should engage, chat and play with their children and other family members around the house instead of using devices to keep young ones entertained. This provides greater opportunities for the brain’s learning pathways to be activated.”

Dr. Hancock even recommends that parents limit their own screen time, especially around children. That’s because, naturally, kids model their behavior after those they spend time with and observe, particularly their parents and guardians. If you’re spending a lot of time on your phone and devices, that sets the example.

“If screentime is needed to complete work tasks or other essential activities, this should take place in a separate space from where you’re usually interacting with your kids. Building simple habits like this can stimulate better communication and development for kids, especially toddlers.”

Six signs of digital overuse in children

So, what can you look for, or rather, what are the telltale signs of digital overuse?

1. Acting up when screen time is over.
2. Losing interest in play-dates and normal play-time.
3. Frustration while playing games, whether because of a loss or addictive behavior.
4. Lying about device usage.
5. Asking for help with spending less time on their devices.
6. An overall reliance on technology to keep themselves interested, occupied and to regulate emotions.

While some of the signs are more obvious — like when they flat-out ask for help to use their devices and technology less — you will need to remain vigilant to identify some of the others. It may not be apparent they’re using the devices to regulate their emotions, destress and stay occupied, for example. Another great example is when they show frustration after a loss. Some frustration is understandable. But if they’re exploding on you when you tell them it’s time to wrap up, that’s not a good sign.

How do I deal with these behaviors?

Some tips from Dr. Hancock include:

1. Create simple routines like a device-free morning, or planning activities that spark creativity and movement.
2. Avoid shaping your young ones’ daily routine around devices as a reward.
3. Before time is up, give your children visual timers or a friendly heads-up. Doing this around the ten to five-minute marks gives them time to mentally transition. It also allows them to finish their current level or challenge, while letting them know not to start a new one.
4. To break habits, shift to more ‘passive’ screen use such as watching TV or a movie, instead of ‘active’ screen use, like playing an online game. Set non-negotiable screen times throughout the week with dedicated usage patterns.
5. Break up long screen times into shorter sessions. Also, try to come up with hands-on activities for your child to do instead, like swimming, dancing, or drawing.

Finally, if bringing out a phone, tablet or games console is the only thing that calms your child, it might be time to reset their routine. By relying on technology to calm your children, it reduces the opportunity for them to learn how to regulate their emotions. Instead, encourage low-stimulation activities like reading or puzzle games to help promote better cognitive development and a more positive way of unwinding. You want to reduce their dependence on digital devices. This is something they need to learn how to do naturally, without extra stimuli.

Overall, I think this study and this information is very enlightening. Thanks Dr. Hancock and company.

This story is based on information provided by Becextech.com.au and Dr. Grace Hancock.